His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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