Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
