she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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