There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
