Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
NoShamevember. You game?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
