I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
