Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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