I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
