she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
