happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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