i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
