ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
