508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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