my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
