haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
