i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
