The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
