So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm both gender and math confused
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
