i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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