Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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