You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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