thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
