I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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