It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
