wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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