wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
