just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Terrible idea I love it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
