I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
