Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
