She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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