I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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