He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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