At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
