I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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