so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
