I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
