If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you didnt know i had herpes?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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