Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
