Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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