I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
