I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
