You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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