I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just threw up on my dentist
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
