I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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