He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
