If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I skipped work to stalk him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
