I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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