therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
