i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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