Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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