so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
