i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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