So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
