Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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