Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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