at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
