He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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