Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
