a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
