Ambien. No doubt about it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
