just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
