Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Even my vagina gasped.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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