So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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