I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found puke in my bra..
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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