I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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