he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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